Torres: Waning? Waned? Or Not Waning?

FERNANDO TORRES hit the net last night, but his Liverpool side slumped to another defeat – this time against Blackpool.

But Torres has found goals hard to come by this season; last night’s was just his seventh in the Premier League.

Those goals have come at a rate of one every 232 minutes, whereas in his first three seasons in England his 56 goals arrived every 107 minutes.

When does a lack of form become an irreversible decline for a top-quality sportsman?

Sporting Chameleon end-of-year awards 2010

BACK by popular demand and a few days late the Sporting Chameleon end-of-year awards.

Form is temporary, ineptitude is permanent

AFTER a heavy defeat in the third Ashes test, England made huge strides towards winning the fourth test and retaining the urn this morning in Melbourne.

The English pacemen, James Anderson, Chris Tremlett and Tim Bresnan, did the damage, skittling the beleaguered Australian batting line-up.

Last time out in Perth it was the Australian quicks who did the damage, Mitchell Johnson especially.

No England batsmen threw away their wickets (unlike a few Aussies today), Johnson got them out with fast bowling of the highest quality.

Why then was he so rubbish today?

No country for old man

MANCHESTER UNITED striker Michael Owen has given his side a massive boost by declaring himself fit for their festive fixtures.

Except he hasn’t.

No-one cares. Sorry Michael.

German umbrella makers cash in

FORMER England manager Steve McLaren is fast becoming as popular in Wolfsburg as he is in England.

The German side sit just four points above the relegation zone.

And supporters showed their displeasure with McLaren aka the Wally with the Brolly during their 2-2 draw with Hoffenheim with a funny and original taunt.

Australia no longer the benchmark for England

ENGLAND head into this morning’s third Ashes test knowing victory will secure them the miniscule trophy.

The generations of England supporters reared on Ashes defeats will quite rightly celebrate the inevitable victory (even if it does not come in the third test)  with much gusto.

But the poor showing so far from Australia should render the victory anhedonic.

Jermaine Beckford: English football’s possible saviour

TO BEGIN I would like to point out that there are fewer footballers I dislike more than Jermaine Beckford.

He made his name playing for Leeds United, the main local rivals of my team, Huddersfield Town and I was at Elland Road last season when he reacted worse to being substituted against Southampton than any player I have seen.

But this season he has the opportunity to revolutionise the way Premier League sides recruit their players.

Brazil and North Korea paper over cracks

ON DAY five of the World Cup the tournament finally produced a game that managed to be both evenly matched and satisfactorily entertaining.

Three goals! Three actual goals! From different sides!

All three goals (assuming you believe Maicon, who has previous, meant it) were in fact just like watching Brazil.

A grown man cried at his national anthem, as though his life depended on it. Which it might have done.

Dunga wore a funny coat, which was possibly meant for a lady, but made him look like a camp tugboat driver.

What more could a football supporter want?

But the thirteen games prior to Brazil v North Korea were mainly drivel and emblematic of a worrying trend in world football.

Americans still fail to understand football

DESPITE officially being as good as England at football – the inventors of the game – Americans still do not quite get it.

As today’s New York Post proves.

King and Carragher live the dream

IT IS SAID that every young English boy dreams of playing football for England.

But the games in those dreams are never played in Minsk, Almaty or Dnipropetrovsk.

Which means that Ledley King and Jamie Carragher have made Matthew Upson look like a bit of a fool.