But Torres has found goals hard to come by this season; last night’s was just his seventh in the Premier League.

Those goals have come at a rate of one every 232 minutes, whereas in his first three seasons in England his 56 goals arrived every 107 minutes.

When does a lack of form become an irreversible decline for a top-quality sportsman?

Substitutions: The only high fives Torres has received from teammates this season

In 2005 Ronaldinho was crowned the best footballer in the world, but this week he has been bundled back to his native Brazil with a transfer to Flamengo.

Within three years of his World Player of the Year award Barcelona had decided Ronaldinho’s best years were in the past, but another European heavyweight, AC Milan, was still willing to take him on.

Now Milan have reached Barcelona’s conclusion as well and, with Blackburn Rovers representing his best offer in Europe, so it seems has everyone else.

Ronaldinho’s decline from best player in the world to washed-up former superstar has taken only six years.

Last season despite Liverpool struggling, Torres recorded the best goalscoring figures of his career with his 18 goals coming every 95 minutes.

After knee surgery in April curtailed his 2009/2010 season, a lack of fitness is a common excuse for his slump this season.

He recovered in time for World Cup, but went goalless in seven appearances for eventual winners Spain and then limped off from the final with a groin injury, which disrupted his pre-season.

Yet he has managed to complete 1,626 minutes this season, almost as many as he managed in both the 2009/2010 and the 2008/2009 campaigns, when he bagged 18 and 14 goals respectively.

Against Chelsea on November 7 he scored twice to inflict a defeat on the champions, before everyone was doing it. It is his only Fernando Torres-esque performance in 20 matches this season.

At Liverpool he was increasingly isolated up front by new but erstwhile manager Roy Hodgson’s tactics, but the Chelsea performance should mitigate both this and the fitness excuse.

If he can do it against the best in the land, then why isn’t he doing it every week?

In a science experiment if something is occurs in 19 instances out of 20 that is taken as fact.

Is it that he just can’t be bothered?

Is it that the Chelsea performance was a rare good showing from a waning player?

Is Torres, like Ronaldinho, stuck on the inevitable slide towards ignominy?

Or will he, with Kenny Dalglish now in the Anfield hotseat, make me look stupid before the season is out for suggesting such things?

The Previously Being Rubbish But in 2010 Being Really Good Award.

Blackpool FC.

With just one FA Cup trophy in their 123 history, but now a bona-fide Premier League mid-table side with European possibilities, this surely is Blackpool’s era. Sod Stanley Matthews.

Honourable mentions: San Francisco Giants.

The Always Being Really Good And Continuing To Be So in 2010 Award.

Tony McCoy.

Honourable mentions: Manny Pacquiao, Rafael Nadal.

The Always Being Really Good But Being Rubbish in 2010 Award.

Michael Schumacher.

More popular with F1 fans than ever before, but mainly because he was a shadow of his robotic seven-time champion self on his return to the sport. Any other driver would have lost his seat for 2011.

Honourable mentions: Fabio Capello, Tiger Woods.

The Always Being Rubbish And Continuing To Be So in 2010 Award.

Audley Harrison.

Let the David Haye fight be his last.

Honourable mentions: England football team.

Game/Match/etc of the Year.

John Isner v Nicolas Mahut, Wimbledon Round One, June 22-24.

A tennis match so noteworthy that it has its own Wikipedia page. Life stopped as Isner and Mahut, two names that will be forever linked, fired down serve after relentless serve. Heroic.

Honourable mentions: Amir Khan v Marcos Maidana, Inter Milan 4-3 Tottenham Hotspur.

Footballer of the Year.

Wesley Sneijder.

Lionel Messi is the world’s best with Cristiano Ronaldo, Xavi and Andrés Iniesta all ahead of Sneijder as well. But football, like all sports, is about winning trophies and he inspired Inter Milan to the treble, as well as dragging the Netherlands to the World Cup final.

Honourable mentions: Messi, Iniesta.

Cricketer of the Year.

Sachin Tendulkar.

His 200* against South Africa in February, the first double ton in an one-day international, was  2010′s top individual performance in any sport. Also managed seven hundreds in just 14 test matches including two doubles plus a 98 at an average of 78.

Honourable mentions: Dale Steyn, Alistair Cook, Graeme Swann.

Newcomer of the Year.

Blackpool FC.

It may be odd to call a team founded in 1887 newcomers, but in Premier League terms the Seasiders are brand new and have added a new dimension to the competition. Brilliant for the neutrals and all within a £10,000-a-week wage limit.

Honourable mentions: Javier Hernández, Steven Finn.

The Salvador Dali Award for 2010′s best moustache.

Australia rugby union full-back Kurtley Beale.

The Sporting Chameleon Sports Personality of the Year Award, which for legal reasons is nothing like the BBC version.

Rafael Nadal.

Nobody dominated his sport in 2010 as much as Nadal did, which is more impressive considering he counts the greatest tennis player of all time, who is far from past his best, as his main rival. Only an early-season injury prevented him from scooping all four Grand Slams.

Honourable mentions: Pacquiao, McCoy, Ian Holloway.

Click here for the Sporting Chameleon end-of-year awards 2009.

The English pacemen, James Anderson, Chris Tremlett and Tim Bresnan, did the damage, skittling the beleaguered Australian batting line-up.

Last time out in Perth it was the Australian quicks who did the damage, Mitchell Johnson especially.

No England batsmen threw away their wickets (unlike a few Aussies today), Johnson got them out with fast bowling of the highest quality.

Why then was he so rubbish today?

Today was not the first abject showing from Johnson.

On the contrary, his performance in Perth was the exception to five previous tests against England of dross and one at Headingley in 2009 that was half decent.

He is frequently labelled a “confidence bowler”, someone who bowls well when everything is in his favour, but it takes very little to throw off his groove.

But there can be no bigger confidence boost than bowling your side to test match victory.

Yet just one game after his Perth performance he delivered seven overs for 42 runs and never looked like taking a wicket with Andrew Strauss and Alistair Cook cruising to 157 for 0.

Johnson is the one “match-winner” in Australia’s bowling attack, the joker in the pack who can turn a game in one spell.

But does that justify his selection?

Inconsistency is the most frustrating thing in all sports. Teams or individual who are world beaters one day and awful the next.

If you accept that this a major of Johnson’s game, how often does he have to turn it on for it to be worth picking him?

Prior to this test Australia will have pondered selecting a spinner, Michael Beer, ahead of one of their four pacemen from Perth.

Peter Siddle and his Ming the Merciless beard would have been the most likely bowler to face the axe.

After the first test King Cricket wrote a brilliant piece about Siddle, detailing how he is the opposite of Johnson.

He is capable of moments of inspiration, such as his hat-trick in Brisbane, but he is as consistent a performer as there is. A regular seven our of ten performer.

His match-winning moments are rarer than Johnson’s, but so are the horror shows.

Who would you rather have in your team?

Except he hasn’t.

No-one cares. Sorry Michael.

Owen: He's a little injured teapot

The only reason people knew Owen was injured in the first place is because Owen is always injured. It’s his default setting.

But now he is back. Fit to warm the Old Trafford bench.

As United are out of the Carling Cup and have no more meaningless Champions League group games to play, when is Owen realistically expecting to play?

He said: “There are that many quality players at United that you’re given as much time as you need to come back from injury.”

That is not strictly true.

Wayne Rooney was rushed back form injury to start in last season’s Champions League quarter-final against Bayern Munich.

But Owen – take as long as you need son.

No-one cares. Sorry Michael.

The German side sit just four points above the relegation zone.

And supporters showed their displeasure with McLaren aka the Wally with the Brolly during their 2-2 draw with Hoffenheim with a funny and original taunt.

Genius

The generations of England supporters reared on Ashes defeats will quite rightly celebrate the inevitable victory (even if it does not come in the third test)  with much gusto.

But the poor showing so far from Australia should render the victory anhedonic. The Ashes remains the benchmark series in test cricket – the only one that is always played over five games.

Ricky Ponting nicks to Graeme Swann for a golden duck

But for the first time in my living memory Australia are no longer the benchmark side.

The two sides who lay claim to that title – South Africa and India – kick off their latest series at Centurion Park as the first day’s play ends in Perth later today.

England’s performances in the first two Ashes tests and a rain-hit, drawn series between Sri Lanka and the West Indies have lifted them to third in the ICC world test rankings.

But next summer, more than this winter, will show where England truly stand in the grand scheme of things when Sri Lanka and India visit British shores for a three and four test series respectively.

England claimed a very respectable draw in South Africa last winter, although admittedly they were outplayed in three of the four matches.

Were India, currently ranked at number one, to come away from South Africa with anything less than a draw, it would boost England’s claims of being the best.

Likewise a trouncing of Australia compares favourably with India’s recent two-test, home series with the Baggy Greens, as although Mahendra Singh Dhoni’s men won both matches, they required a ninth wicket partnership of 81 between VVS Laxman and Ishant Sharma to scrape home in the first test.

India’s strength is based around their batting, as expected from any side containing Sachin Tendulkar, Virender Sehwag and Rahul Dravid, but the two era-dominating teams – West Indies in the 1980s and Australia in the 1990s and early 200s – were based around a strong bowling attack.

There are no dominant bowling attacks in world cricket right now. South Africa have the best opening pair with Dale Steyn and Morne Morkel, but lack a quality third seamer or spinner.

This leaves the door wide open to all sides.

Thus, after five consecutive ODI series wins, it is not inconceivable that after the World Cup and the India series, England will sit top of the pile in all three formats.

He made his name playing for Leeds United, the main local rivals of my team, Huddersfield Town and I was at Elland Road last season when he reacted worse to being substituted against Southampton than any player I have seen.

But this season he has the opportunity to revolutionise the way Premier League sides recruit their players.

Beckford does the standard new signing pose with the shirt

Beckford earned himself a summer transfer to Everton thanks to repeated seasons as possibly the most feared striker in League One.

An expired contract meant Beckford was available for free, allowing Everton boss David Moyes to sign him with relatively little risk.

But transfers from League One or even the Championship to the Premier League are not as frequent as they should be.

The oft-stated reason is that players from the lower divisions are overpriced.

Failures, such as David Nugent, Michael Chopra and Sylvan Ebanks-Blake, have done little to help the plight of young English players trying to break into the Premier League.

It has become fashionable, thanks to Wilson Palacios, Lee Chung-Yong and the like, to sign players from obscure foreign leagues, but surely their apprenticeships are less relevant than those served in the Championship?

Everyone is more than happy for global superstars, such as Didier Drogba, Cesc Fabregas and Fernando Torres, to ply their trade in the Premier League.

No-one is even that begrudging of the meritocratic right to be here of lesser players, such as Martin Petrov, Brede Hangeland and Morten Gamst Pedersen.

But, for example, why did Wigan make Mauro Boselli their record signing this summer? Could they not have got Nicky Maynard from Bristol City? City could have signed Swindon’s Charlie Austin, Swindon could have brought in Adam Le Fondre from Rotherham and Wigan’s money would have filtered all down the pyramid.

One of the biggest success stories in last season’s Premier League was Birmingham City’s defence with Championship recruits Roger Johnson and Scott Dann at the heart of it, but defenders can be easily swept under the publicity carpet.

Beckford, playing in the most high-profile position and with Mikel Arteta and Steven Pienaar supplying his chances, has a chance to change all that.

Three goals! Three actual goals! From different sides!

All three goals (assuming you believe Maicon, who has previous, meant it) were in fact just like watching Brazil.

A grown man cried at his national anthem, as though his life depended on it. Which it might have done.

Dunga wore a funny coat, which was possibly meant for a lady, but made him look like a camp tugboat driver.

What more could a football supporter want?

But the thirteen games prior to Brazil v North Korea were mainly drivel and emblematic of a worrying trend in world football.

One Brazil fan is still not impressed

It was oft-said this/last season that the Premier League was the most entertaining it has ever been.

This false mantra was probably caused by Liverpool’s inepitude allowing a new team to slip into the top four.

But very few games live long in the memory only one month after the season ended.

Chelsea, like Germany, deserve credit and some entertainment points for their maulings of vastly inferior opponents.

However one side mercilessly battering another is not that entertaining.

In fact the 4-3 Manchester derby was the only classic game of the Premier League season.

Brazil v North Korea was not a classic, but in a weak World Cup beggars cannot be choosers and the North Koreans provided a great story with the first moral victory in their country’s history.

I find it very annoying when people who get paid to watch football – Alan Green, Mark Lawrenson, Mick McCarthy – complain about the quality of the match.

Yet, like the hypocrite that I am, I will do just that, in an attempt to apply some dubious science to my theory.

Professionally I watched 25 matches last season (one in the FA Cup, six in the Championship, 10 in League One, seven in League Two and one in the Conference North) and at each game I was required to give the match an entertainment rating out of five.

10 of the 25 games were awarded three out of five, rendering them wholly average games of football.

It is therefore to be expected that of the remaining 15, there would be a roughly equal amount of ones and twos as fours and fives.

However four games were awarded just one out of five and eight games two, leaving just two games to receive a four and staggeringly Bradford City 2-4 Rotherham United as the match out of 25 to receive full marks.

I am no football cynic, I love the game. South Korea v Greece is so far the only World Cup match that I have missed, when I have not had to be at work.

This view has not just flourished as a result of a few World Cup 0-0s.

It could be argued that my entertainment results were poor, because all the games were in the lower divisions.

Lower league games are lower quality obviously, but not lower entertainment. Re-watch the 2005 FA Cup Final if you do not believe me.

The World Cup has carried on this problem.

In football winning, or increasingly not losing, is everything and the method irrelevant.

Some sports, cricket for example, are constantly trying to find new ways to improve their entertainment value.

Football, on the other hand, has become arrogant in its position as the world’s most popular sport.

The players have no desire to ingratiate themselves to supporters.

Managers feel they have no obligation beyond winning football matches.

Administrators pander more and more to television and corporate-hospitality types, pricing local, real fans out of going to games.

All sport is about winning.

But soon, in football, people might stop watching.

As today’s New York Post proves.

But the games in those dreams are never played in Minsk, Almaty or Dnipropetrovsk.

Which means that Ledley King and Jamie Carragher have made Matthew Upson look like a bit of a fool.

Upson battles with Slovenia's Zlatko Dedic during September's Wembley friendly.

In their ten World Cup qualifying games, England used four different centre-backs.

Two of those – Rio Ferdinand and Joleon Lescott – are not at the World Cup.

And of the three centre-backs used by Fabio Capello in the World Cup opener, only one – John Terry- featured in those qualifying matches.

The other two – King and Carragher – had never featured under Capello until the warm-up friendlies. Indeed neither had played for England since June 2007.

Upson, on the other hand, has been lugging his Marks and Spencer suit all over Eastern Europe’s less glamorous football locations.

But now, just in time for the international matches that are worth playing, King and Carragher have returned to the squad, after deciding respectively that a dodgy knee and retirement were no barrier to appearing in a World Cup.

Except in yesterday’s match against the USA it backfired.

For King it turned out that having fully-functioning legs was a prerequisite for playing international football and he had to be substituted at half-time.

Carragher was his replacement and was fully merked by Jozy Altidore, a player who scored only once in 28 appearances for Hull City this season.

Maybe Upson will be handed the chance his dues deserve after all.