Doubles equivalent to the instructions in a condom box
MONDAY marks the first day of the second week of Wimbledon.
The second Monday is always the best day of the tournament, with all the men’s and women’s last 16 matches taking place.
But it is all downhill from here.
Up to the second Monday there is always a game of top-quality tennis going on.
Starting on Tuesday, however, turn on your television after five o’clock and you will see a game of doubles.
Doubles is not top-quality tennis.
Doubles is what you watch when there are no singles games on.
Worse than that, doubles is what you play when you are not good enough for singles.
Roger Federer, Andy Murray and Novak Djokovic have decided against playing doubles at Wimbledon, as they do every Grand Slam, in fact the highest-ranked singles player playing in the doubles is Russia’s Igor Andreev and he is currently the world number 26.
None of the guys playing doubles grew up wanting to play doubles; they are all failed singles players, such as Andy Murray’s brother Jamie – the 2007 Wimbledon mixed doubles champion – who everyday wishes he was as good at tennis as his brother.
Doubles is to tennis what the half-time legend raffle draw is to football and the post-boundary dancers are to Twenty20 cricket.
They are the bar at a strip club.
No one is there for them.