Australia buy the spade, England dig the hole
ENGLAND may have lost the Ashes today.
The day started badly for them when the fire alarm went off at their hotel at 4.30am.
Rumour has it Andrew Flintoff was not actually injured, he just fled Leeds in shame, after his bleary-eyed teammates witnessed him in his silky kimono.
Matt Prior tried a similar trick, only for Andrew Strauss and Andy Flower to see straight through it.
Prior healed just in time, freeing England from the prospect of Paul Collingwood keeping wicket, leaving hopes of a successful ginger test wicketkeeper, further away than ever.
Prior’s back could be a possible excuse for Strauss’ shocking decision to bat first, after winning the toss.
However it was irrelevant as Prior was batting within 19 overs and ironically he was the only England batsman to show any spine.
It seemed as though Australia were to suffer a similar fate, when Simon Katich fended Steve Harmison to Ravi Bopara. Thanks for coming Ravi.
This brought Ricky Ponting to the crease amid a cacophony of boos.
Of course he was booed.
This is Yorkshire humour, a sign of respect.
Ricky had the last laugh, showing exactly why he is probably the best batsman in cricket right now, slaughtering England’s attack – if you could call them that – all around the ground.
Some of England’s bowling made Geoffrey Boycott’s commentary sound like a Churchill advert.
Michael Clarke and Marcus North batted for approximately a week on Monday and with those two at the crease tomorrow does not look much brighter for England.
England cannot rely on the weather to save them – the sun always shines in Yorkshire – but on the plus side they cannot play this badly again.