Tiger’s jiggy-jiggy makes major total even better
THE dust finally seems to be settling on Tiger Woods’ extramarital exploits.
Currently his mistress list stands at 18 and a classier array of women could not be found, but the rate at which new names are being added is at last slowing.
The fire has not exactly gone out, but it is no longer spreading.
So now is the time to put his career record into context.
Woods has won 14 major championships, a tally only bettered by Jack Nicklaus’ 18 titles, and this success does not happen overnight.
More than 1.4 million Britons play golf at least once a month and, despite what Ian Poulter says, not one of them can play the game as well as Woods.
It takes years of practice and dedication to play at his level.
He did all this while being a race icon, thanks to his one-quarter Chinese, one-quarter Thai, one-quarter African American, one-eighth Native American and one-eighth Dutch background.
He also did this while maintaining relationships with 19 women, including his wife, who it seems fair to mention.
All men know how much time and effort is required to keep a woman happy.
And while it is fair to assume that his wife, Elin Nordegren, has not be kept that happy by his recent exploits, others have been much favourable.
Mindy Lawton, or as she is known in the trade “Mistress Number Six”, said Woods was well-endowed and that he is a 12 in bed on the 1 to 10 scale.
Mistress Number 10, porn star Holly Sampson, who should know what she is talking about, said: “He had a beautiful body and was excellent in bed.”
Previously Woods was widely regarded as the greatest golfer of his generation and possibly all time.
But now we know he won his 14 majors alongside the far more important, yet arduous, task of getting his end away so often, his achievements take on a superhuman element.
Monogamous Roger Federer’s 15 Grand Slam tennis titles becomes a paltry success, compared to Woods’.
So here’s to Tiger – the greatest player of all time.
The whole episode has some interesting sidebars:
American gossip magazine National Enquirer broke Mistress Number One’s confession – the biggest celebrity scandal of 2009 – but buried it on page 20;
Golf Digest’s latest edition features the front cover headline- 10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger;
An unknown British TV presenter is one of the women Woods is alleged to have slept with, but it is definitely one of Dougie Donnelly, Louis Theroux, Kirsty Gallacher or Eamonn Holmes and you are free to make your own mind up which.